“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Dr. Seuss
Ever asked a toddler to do something they don’t feel like doing – especially when they’ve just learned what this two letter words “N.O” means? You’d get a resounding NO
Followed by a tantrum until you can cajole or threaten them to do your bidding. It can be very frustrating dealing with toddlers. But growing up, almost everyone of us had this trait. Then society taught us to be nuanced and we learned about social etiquettes – i.e sometimes we need to do things that we don’t want to. We also learned about empathy and learned to understand that other people’s feelings matter and we need to consider them before making certain decisions.
But like all good habits, it’s all about finding a balance
We have to learn how to find a balance between doing for others and doing for ourselves.
You cannot value your time or have any when you have to respond to a million requests even when you’re alone – You’d always have people reaching out through emails, your Social media channels, texts, etc
You know you need to hold your ground if you want to be productive and stay sane—but you don’t want to disappoint anyone, or even worse, leave them hanging when they need you the most.
Talk about a catch 22 situation. But most of us face this struggle in our daily lives
Because while it is important to offer compassion and make sacrifices – being everything to everyone(people pleaser) will eventually backfire.
At some point you won’t have much left to give. It is at this point you can stop enjoying the joys that come with giving.
Instead of the joys you should experience when you give your time or resources away, You’ll start going through the motions, and feeling exhausted.
You’ll keep forcing yourself to give your attention, but it will always be distracted. When you answer requests with “you don’t mind” you feel a little resentment inside.This is not a good way to live. So how do you strike a balance between giving to yourself and giving to others? By doing just one thing and sticking to it. Take care of number one so you can take care of everyone else
You take care of number one by deciding what time and activities you need to do for you, and then make sure to do them. These could be activities for your health – both physical and mental, your work and your family. This should be your priority.
If someone makes a request that conflicts, unless it absolutely requires immediate attention, tell them you’d love to help but you have something important planned or better still just say NO.
On the need to take care of Number One when you need it Lorene Deschene co-founder of Recreate Your Life Story writes.
“You can only be strong and useful for the people around you if you honor your needs as much as theirs. If you really want to make them happy, do what you need to do for you—because people who love you want to please you just as much as you want to please them.”
We hope this helps?