They say love is a beautiful thing, but why does it feel ugly? How did I find myself in this mess? Are the questions we ask ourselves when met with an uncontrollable situation in a relationship. The amazing thing about love is it is indeed beautiful and spiced with a little or more ugliness. The relationship is full of ups and downs. Experiences that make you feel the journey is not going smooth anymore and have turned to a bumpy road. And yes, it is indeed painful when there is a setback in a relationship. As humans, we grow, circumstances change us, and new stress emerges. All these things are always out of our control, and as meaningful as these changes are, we pay little or no attention to them as they become part of our intimate daily life. People believe we have control over our relationship. There is nothing as disappointing as when your relationship is doing poorly and you don’t know what went wrong and how to fix it.
Examples of the changes in a relationship;
● Feeling close and intimate, other times, feeling distant and disconnected;
● Communicating in ways you feel heard, loved, and supported, other times, communicating harshly and disrespectfully;
● Sharing joy and happiness and having fun together, other times, getting on each other’s nerves;
● Having times of calmness and at ease with each other, suddenly having an intense fight leaving you confused and asking yourself “where did this come from?”;
● Spending time as much as possible with your partner, other times, wanting to be left alone and be far away from your partner.
Ways to manage these ups and downs and how to move your relationship forward:
● Understand that’s these ups and downs are normal and will surely happen;
● Be kind, compassionate, patient, and learn to understand your partner as you turn the changes and curves;
● Go on dates, no matter how busy you are, schedule a night out with your partner, ensure private time together. Look back in where and how it all started and see if you are growing apart or together;
● Always communicate with each other regularly with honesty and understanding;
● Be responsible for your part in the strength and the weakness of the relationship; Don’t stop yourself from having your feelings- joy, sadness, happiness, grief, loneliness, relief, anger, etc.
After trying all these and the relationship is not getting any better, consider getting help outside by talking to a friend, family, reading books, visiting a relationship counsellor to guide you on what to do so your relationship may take a good turn.
Eventually, things will work out fine with effective communication. This will help heal wounds and aid living in harmony, understanding, support, and care in the relationship. In general, when going through tough times in a relationship, you tend to unravel more about your partner. The highs and lows create an intimacy that energizes you and drives you to do better each day and takes you beyond the Apex of the first time you fell in love with each other. At that point, you realize that these ups and downs in a relationship are things we can deal with and can be solved.