“And don’t sin by letting anger gain control over you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a mighty foothold to the devil.” – Ephesians 4: 26 – 27 (NLT)
Have you ever been in a situation where you are pissed with a good reason?
Someone or something has triggered the emotional outburst from you and you get so angry that you “lose it”.
You do not just lose it – you say hurtful things you should not say. What’s Worse, when your blind rage leads, you get physical.
What about being so angry at someone you never speak to the person again?
Anger is a valid emotion we all experience and in itself ANGER is neither a good thing nor a bad thing. However, How we choose to channel and process our anger defines us.
Most of us at one point or the other in our lives have had a situation where we got so angry and said things or reacted in a way that is not us.
Sometimes we go as far as transferring the anger not to the things or people that triggered the emotions but to our loved ones and people who care about us or are around us.
This can lead to feelings of regrets, guilt and when you are calm enough to look back on your actions, you know you f*cked up big time.
Going back to the good book and what it says in Ephesians 4:26, “Don’t sin by letting anger gain control over you…” It does not say do not get angry but rather you should not let your anger get control over you.
We are most definitely going to be angry at times.It is a valid emotion and in this Nigeria – You’d have 1000 reasons to be angry at any given time. However, what you decide to do with the anger is what matters.
Properly channelled Anger is a great emotion to have every once in a while as it can be a precursor for positive change. Improperly channeled, it can lead to a plethora outcomes you do not want.
Let’s use the metaphor of a car. Fuel is combustible – One spark and BOOM! – Explosions.
But, when you put it in a car, it is properly channelled and can take you from point A to point B. – no explosions – just progress.
This is the same role ANGER plays when we channel it properly. Some of us are still pissed from things that happened so long ago and holding on to anger is like
“Drinking poison and expecting someone else to die” – It will never happen. You are just in a pain that would continue to grow and get the best parts of you the longer you allow it.
it’s good for us to get angry. Anger in itself is neither good or bad. It’s why we get angry and how we express it that determines if it’s good or bad, healthy or unhealthy anger.
So before you “Lose it” Here are helpful ways to deal with ANGER
7 helpful ways to deal with Anger
“If you cannot control your anger, you are as helpless as a city without walls, open to attack.” – Proverbs 25:28 (GNB)
Most of us realize that people who can’t control their anger have a real problem. We tend to say they have “anger issues” or a “short fuse” and while some people wear these tags as an identity with the excuse “ it is how i am “, in the long run – this habit most times leads to their downfall.
Do you have routine for handling the emotion of anger?
Does it work?
Here are 7 ways help you be in control of your anger
What triggers you to get angry? Knowing things that get you triggered would help you start looking for a way to deal with it before it consumes you.
Some signs you are about to “lose it” can include physical sensations like
Remember the analogy we gave with a car?
Exactly – Exercising when you are angry is a great way to deal with anger and channel it right.
We have agreed that Anger is a valid emotion and there are many reasons and triggers that could get you pretty worked up in your personal life or your place of work.
When you notice the little pile ups of emotions getting to you and you are Snappy – You can channel these emotions to exercise.
What if you get angry at work?
Take a walk.. That is exercise too or just pace.
If you cannot leave the premises – jumping jack somewhere private can do.
Bathroom maybe Just don’t “Lose it”
Unless you have another job somewhere waiting. But who would hire someone who is not in control of their emotions.
3. Write Write and write some more.
You say you are not a writer?
That’s not true.
Answer this – “Can you write A – Z?” or something else “ 0 – 9 ?“
You can? – Good.
You have all the tools
If you are pissed – getting a pen and paper and writing down whatever comes to your mind can be such a calming influence.
And how do I know this?
Because I do this alot.
Writing is therapeutic and lots of writers(including yours truly) have written their best work in the hit of the moment.
Because in this state, you just need to get words on paper and not worry about anything else.
You could write about what you are feeling and question yourself as to why you are feeling the way you do.
By the time you are done, you’d feel much better.
A page would do.
4. Stop and breath
Yes just stop everything you are doing – take a pause for the cause.
When you feel like you are about to lose it, taking a pause or a breather can be helpful.
An added trick to use here is to count to 100 or count your breaths as they go in or out.
Count to ten then count downwards from 10.
The navy seals have a good way to decompress “deep breath in for 4 seconds, hold for fours seconds and then exhale for 4 seconds”
This would help get you down to your baseline
5. Figure out why you are angry
Ever been in a situation where you are just pissed?
You do not know when or why but your mood just changes.
Chances are, you have a very good reason for feeling the way you do but if you cannot pin point what has triggered you, you are bound to be passively aggressive and snap at people in ways you do not want.
This is why you should know what triggers get you pissed.
If you find yourself in a scenario like this, the best thing to do is to take a pause and think back on what got you angry. Knowing this would help you think of action steps you can take to address the issue
6. Talk to someone
What if you are overreacting?
Talking or sharing how you feel(after you have calmed down) with someone you trust can help you put into perspective if you are overreacting or not.
Having someone you trust and can share why you are angry is a great way to work on your anger.
This can also take the weight of your shoulders.
And if you are one of those with “anger issues” consider talking to a professional about your situation. It would save you a lot of pain moving forward.
7. Get Enough rest
Research has shown that you can get cranky and easily irritated if you do not get enough sleep. ( 7-8 hours).
Getting enough rest would help you be in the best mood to deal with what life throws your way and right now – life is throwing all it has on us.
Getting enough sleep would help you.
Don’t believe me?
Read this : Why a lack of sleep can make you angry
Other things about anger from the good book
Proverbs 14:17, People with hot tempers do foolish things.”(LB)
Proverbs 29:22, A hot tempered man starts fights and gets into all kinds of trouble.”
James 1:19 “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
Proverbs 18:19 “It is harder to win back the friendship of an offended brother than to capture a fortified city. His anger shuts you out like iron bars.”
Proverbs 21:23 “If you want to stay out of trouble, be careful what you say.”
I encourage you to forgive those who have hurt you. Let go of any angry feelings you’re holding on to and learn to deal properly with your anger.
It is a valid emotion. Learn to deal with it.